Yesterday Was Plain Awful

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Yesterday was plain awful. You can say that again. Yesterday was plain awful.
from the movie Annie

I don’t know what the reason was – maybe the chocolate fondue I served for dinner the night before, maybe the aftermath of Mother’s Day. Whatever the reason, yesterday was plain awful.
There was a new display of paint chips at Canadian Tire. Trying to incorporate colourslearning into every day, I had the kids pick a number and letter. Raine miscalculated. The colour matching her co-ordinates was not what she wanted. She lost it.
For whatever reason, I didn’t have the necessary patience to calm her down. I tried, then gave up. “We’re leaving,” I announced, picking up Athena.
This made it all so much worse. Raine began chasing us through the store with my abandoned shopping cart. “You can’t leave!” she shouted with venom.

It didn’t get much better when we got out of the store. For whatever reason, my patience wore thin. I didn’t respond with kindness or grace. It was plain awful.
Eventually we both pulled ourselves together. At the end of the day, when it was time to list what she’s grateful for, Raine said, “I have a mom who always loves me!”

“How do you know I love you?” was my question.

“Because of all the things you do and say,” she answered. “Really because of the spoon.”

A few months after the adoption was finalized in court, we had a private dedication and party at our home. I gave each of the girls an antique silver spoon engraved with their initials. At first Raine wasn’t too impressed. But it’s become a symbol of my love for her.

There are moments when I feel like I’m doing everything right. Then there are moments when I’m fully aware that I’m failing. Yesterday was compiled of many failures. But I am immensely grateful that a bumpy day doesn’t shake the foundation of love established in Raine.

Yesterday was plain awful. But that’s not now. That’s then.

from the movie Annie

The Truth About Mother’s Day

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Now that the fanfare’s over, let’s be honest. Mother’s Day can lightstock_82211_max_user_637824be hard for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons.

At breakfast Raine asked if I thought her birth mother was sad when she lost her. “I’m sure she was sad,” I answered. “Losing a child is very sad.”

“Do you think she cried?” was the next question. No doubt she did. She may even have been crying yesterday.

There are so many others who mourn on Mother’s Day – women who haven’t been able to have biological children. A friend in my teen years was adopted. Occasionally his mom and I would sit down for a cup of tea. I’ll never forget the day she broke down crying. She was completely devoted to her four adopted children. But there was still a sting that she hadn’t been able to give birth to them herself. Then there are women who have never obtained the title of mother in any form.

I read a post about one woman’s church asking moms to stand on Sunday. Flowers were given out in celebration of Mother’s Day. The past few years my church has given a donation to a charity caring for women in lieu of gifts on Mother’s Day. But when there were gifts, they went to all women over 18yrs. I remember the years of longing before I became a mom. I can imagine the sadness of being singled out on an already difficult day.

Then there’s the reality that, for some, there isn’t much to celebrate about their mothers. The truth is parents fail. Some in small ways, but others do so completely. Being a foster parent, I know this all too well. Not only do some parents fail to provide the love and security needed while their children grow up, they also fail to provide an example worth replicating. So, when grown, who do you turn to for advice? Who do you imitate as you raise your own kids? Besides being nothing like your parents, how do you know you’re doing a good job?

If your mom’s failed in big ways, a day celebrating her might just be too much. That’s the truth.

So if you know of someone in any of these situations, maybe next year ask them or the Lord how you can ease the pain of Mother’s Day. As glorious as it is for many, the day falls short of happy for more people than you realize. This year, for the first time, we were able to move past the pain and enjoy being a family. Praying for you if that wasn’t the case. Praying the God of all comfort will wrap you in His arms. Let Him reveal to you, the truth that you are loved.

Happy Mother’s Day

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a recent message from Raine

a recent message from Raine

This is the first time I’m celebrating as only an adoptive mom, not a foster mom. That’s how I first gained the title – mom. Being a foster mom is beautiful and challenging all at once. I didn’t realize how different it would feel becoming an adoptive mom to kids I already loved. It’s been a transition for all of us.

I wonder how my daughters will see their childhood from the vantage of adulthood. What kind of mother will they remember me as?

Although united by the title of “mom”, each of us uniquely defines that relationship.

For me, I tend to get caught up on the natural. I make sure my kids are well dressed, well fed, and live in a nice home. In a way, this helps heal the wounds they still bear from early life. I’ve created a place of stability and comfort to help heal.

There are times I fail in other areas. Sometimes I don’t respond with grace. Sometimes I don’t savour the beauty of the moment we’re in. Sometimes I wish they would just stop talking. I forget how exceptional it is that my daughters adore me and want to interact with me. They crave the love in my gaze. They want to make me smile. They seek to bring me joy.

“This is all I have for you,” Raine said sadly, handing me a folded piece of paper.

A dear friend worked with the girls to give me a lovely potted flower arrangement. But since Raine didn’t buy or create it herself, she doesn’t count that as a proper Mother’s Day gift.

“Your love is all I need,” was my answer.

“Well, you have that,” Raine happily replied.

Raine & Athena on Good Friday modeling the sweaters I made them

Raine & Athena on Good Friday modeling the sweaters I made them

The Love of a Sister

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Yesterday, I saw my sister and her family – husband, 4yr old son, and baby on the way – for the first time in a long time. We last visited in February 2013. After 7yrs in western Canada, she’s moved back to Ontario. They’ll be settling about 3hrs away, but that’s much better than a two day drive.

my sister, my nephew, & my girls. So happy to be together.

my sister, my nephew, & my girls. So happy to be together.

We went to a handmade artisan sale at a local winery. I really love this region! A friend from church handcrafts gourmet ice cream. We all enjoyed a taste.

My sister is two years younger than me. The legend goes, when she was born – in the month of May – I insisted upon wearing a snowsuit to meet her in the hospital. My dad brought me and fed me Smarties along the way. I arrived a colourful, chocolate mess wearing a pink snowsuit. Jumping up beside my mom on the hospital bed, I shouted, “Where’s my Jennie Mae?”

My sister and I in 2009 holding a picture of us

My sister and I in 2009 holding a picture of us

Since then we’ve always been the best of friends. Some of our tastes overlap – literature, music, films – while others diverge – fashion, food, fun. Regardless of our differences, having someone who fully accepts me and lovingly challenges me is invaluable. I can’t imagine any portion of my life without my sister.

My own girls, full biological sisters, haven’t always been together. A good portion of their short lives have been spent apart. Because of how much I value my own sister, I’ve worked hard to form a connection for them. It’s grown slowly but I’m happy to say it’s there. While Athena’s at school and Raine enjoys a particular adventure she’ll say, “Can we do this again with my sister?” Now days when I send them upstairs to put their pajamas on, they end up playing joyously together. There was a time when arguments would erupt the moment I was out of sight.

Both of my girls are fiercely competitive. It assaults my senses since I am not. Never did my sister or I complete against each other. It wasn’t in our nature. We worked endlessly to build each other up – offering the other our success at every turn. After resisting for ages, I’ve given in. There are times when I suggest a race if the girls aren’t responsive to my instructions. It works. It’s not helpful in obliterating their competitive edge. Perhaps that’s alright. I’m not sure. It remains a completely foreign concept to me – especially in the context of family. But I’m happy to see more helping than competing between them these days. They’re beginning to experience the love of a sister.

Athena & Raine making sweet potato pie

Athena & Raine making sweet potato pie

Believe bistro Review

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It’s Friday! I’m busy getting ready for a mom & daughter event at my church tomorrow. If you’re in the area, there’s still time to get in on the fun. I get to prepare the snacks – including a chocolate fountain – and will be selling my coffee, tea, and newly released books.

On Fridays I post on my business blog – Believe bistro. Recently I’ve gotten to meet a lot of great bloggers as I advertise on their sites. One such gem is Lena over at Tiny Painter. Thought I’d share what she had to say about my teas…..(Lena’s Review)

紅茶