Tag Archives: adoption

On My Way

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Last night I couldn’t sleep. My mind raced with everything yet to be done.

sipping coffee from my California mug (a gift from a friend after her recent trip)

sipping coffee from my California mug (a gift from a friend after her recent trip)

This morning I woke frightfully early, pulled myself out of bed and got to work. At 11am I leave for 6 days in California. Since becoming a mom my trips have been brief – I’ve not been away from my kids for more than a weekend – and primarily within Canada.

I’m excited to be going somewhere completely new. California has always been on my list of places to visit. A lover of old movies, many times I’ve watched characters drive along the coast and long to do the same. My reason for being in California relates to prayer training. The city I’m headed to is very far from the coast. But hopefully we can fit that in at

my favourite tulips grown along side Queen of the Night black tulips. A stunning pair.

my favourite tulips grown along side Queen of the Night black tulips. A stunning pair.

some point.

My bags are packed. I used to bring an excessive amount of reading material with me whenever I travelled. This time it’s electronics. A GPS, tablet, laptop with exterior fan (since it keeps overheating), and a cellphone are all coming with me. The book I recently began reading is not. It’s a frail paperback printed in the 1960’s not up for the trip. I’m combing through my vast supply of well-loved novels looking for something else to bring. Despite all the technology, I still like a story before bed. And there’s nothing comparable to the look and feel of an actual book.

Some tulips have burst forth to bid me farewell. My daughter, Raine, is

a burst of purple to herald the soon coming lilacs

a burst of purple to herald the soon coming lilacs

ever so excited. “You’re not missing it all,” she shouts when we pass by blossoming tress or the tulips show a bit of colour in the mass of green.

There are a great deal of things being left undone, like weeding the garden. But there are limited hours in the day. Knowing that I’m going, my girls have been quite out of sorts and, therefore, demanding my full attention.

I won’t have any fun stories to share about them this week. But watch for a guest post from my friend who is staying with them. That’s sure to be entertaining. She has a knack for catching the comedy of the situation. Too often I get caught up in the details, like getting dinner on the table or another load of laundry put away.

Well, the children are starting to stir. I still need to print my boarding pass among other things. See you tomorrow in California!

What’s in a Name?

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William-Shakespeare-quote-530x256

It’s Thursday and time for an adoption process update. I don’t have anything new to share. I’ve been busy getting ready for my trip among other things.

Since I don’t have a progress report, let’s explore an adoption issue. Names. Adopting an older child from foster care limits one’s options. For me that’s been challenging. I am a connoisseur of names. One of my first purchases as a teenager was a baby name book. I’ve carried it with me all these years. Whenever I meet someone, I check to see the meaning of their name.

Since childhood I’ve had a list entitled, “What I Want to Name My Kids.” Over the years the list has changed and evolved. The main criteria is names that are uncommon with a meaning that resonates with me.

Looking forward to adopting again, I’d love to be able to choose one of my children’s names. I have a revised list ready. There are several selections for boys and girls depending on the child’s personality and/or given name.

I love my daughter’s names. They never appeared on my list – but are lovely and meet my criteria. Because of the spelling of Raine’s name it means queen. Athena means wisdom. Both of those concepts have great meaning for me. When I met with their birth mom last year, I asked why she’d chosen their names. The question surprised her. Apparently she hadn’t given much thought to the reasons.

Since my girls were young and accepting, I was able to choose middle names for them. That was lots of fun. Still, there’s a lingering desire to select a first name. If it doesn’t happen, I will survived. I can continue to name companies, books, and characters I write about. That might have to suffice. We shall see.

Packing My Bags

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This Saturday I’m heading to California for 6 days. It’s the longest I’ve ever been away from my girls. Even when they were foster children and I was entitled to 3wks vacation time, I never left them for more than a couple of days.

I’m feeling nervous, but the time away will do me good. A friend and I are traveling to get some further training in a prayer ministry we’re part of at church. It’ll be fun. I keep saying that, but I’m not quite sure.

I worry about being away for so long. My friend is coming to stay with Raine and Athena. They know and love her. It should be fine. IMG_20140514_202806

We’ll see……I need to get packing. I’m being cheered on by daffodils we picked from the garden today. Since becoming a mom, I’ve turned into quite the homebody. Maybe I already was to a certain degree. But in the past I would have jumped at the chance to travel to California. Now I’d rather stay home and watch my tulips bloom. Spring has been really late here and thus far daffodils are all I have.

I’m hoping to have time to blog while away, but don’t worry if you don’t hear from me daily. Think of me having fun – childfree with a great friend in the amazing state of California!

 

Yesterday Was Plain Awful

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Yesterday was plain awful. You can say that again. Yesterday was plain awful.
from the movie Annie

I don’t know what the reason was – maybe the chocolate fondue I served for dinner the night before, maybe the aftermath of Mother’s Day. Whatever the reason, yesterday was plain awful.
There was a new display of paint chips at Canadian Tire. Trying to incorporate colourslearning into every day, I had the kids pick a number and letter. Raine miscalculated. The colour matching her co-ordinates was not what she wanted. She lost it.
For whatever reason, I didn’t have the necessary patience to calm her down. I tried, then gave up. “We’re leaving,” I announced, picking up Athena.
This made it all so much worse. Raine began chasing us through the store with my abandoned shopping cart. “You can’t leave!” she shouted with venom.

It didn’t get much better when we got out of the store. For whatever reason, my patience wore thin. I didn’t respond with kindness or grace. It was plain awful.
Eventually we both pulled ourselves together. At the end of the day, when it was time to list what she’s grateful for, Raine said, “I have a mom who always loves me!”

“How do you know I love you?” was my question.

“Because of all the things you do and say,” she answered. “Really because of the spoon.”

A few months after the adoption was finalized in court, we had a private dedication and party at our home. I gave each of the girls an antique silver spoon engraved with their initials. At first Raine wasn’t too impressed. But it’s become a symbol of my love for her.

There are moments when I feel like I’m doing everything right. Then there are moments when I’m fully aware that I’m failing. Yesterday was compiled of many failures. But I am immensely grateful that a bumpy day doesn’t shake the foundation of love established in Raine.

Yesterday was plain awful. But that’s not now. That’s then.

from the movie Annie

The Truth About Mother’s Day

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Now that the fanfare’s over, let’s be honest. Mother’s Day can lightstock_82211_max_user_637824be hard for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons.

At breakfast Raine asked if I thought her birth mother was sad when she lost her. “I’m sure she was sad,” I answered. “Losing a child is very sad.”

“Do you think she cried?” was the next question. No doubt she did. She may even have been crying yesterday.

There are so many others who mourn on Mother’s Day – women who haven’t been able to have biological children. A friend in my teen years was adopted. Occasionally his mom and I would sit down for a cup of tea. I’ll never forget the day she broke down crying. She was completely devoted to her four adopted children. But there was still a sting that she hadn’t been able to give birth to them herself. Then there are women who have never obtained the title of mother in any form.

I read a post about one woman’s church asking moms to stand on Sunday. Flowers were given out in celebration of Mother’s Day. The past few years my church has given a donation to a charity caring for women in lieu of gifts on Mother’s Day. But when there were gifts, they went to all women over 18yrs. I remember the years of longing before I became a mom. I can imagine the sadness of being singled out on an already difficult day.

Then there’s the reality that, for some, there isn’t much to celebrate about their mothers. The truth is parents fail. Some in small ways, but others do so completely. Being a foster parent, I know this all too well. Not only do some parents fail to provide the love and security needed while their children grow up, they also fail to provide an example worth replicating. So, when grown, who do you turn to for advice? Who do you imitate as you raise your own kids? Besides being nothing like your parents, how do you know you’re doing a good job?

If your mom’s failed in big ways, a day celebrating her might just be too much. That’s the truth.

So if you know of someone in any of these situations, maybe next year ask them or the Lord how you can ease the pain of Mother’s Day. As glorious as it is for many, the day falls short of happy for more people than you realize. This year, for the first time, we were able to move past the pain and enjoy being a family. Praying for you if that wasn’t the case. Praying the God of all comfort will wrap you in His arms. Let Him reveal to you, the truth that you are loved.