Afterwards

 

After bearing my soul in a most detailed manner, I picked my 4yr old up from school. Made lunch. Watched a documentary on sustainable farming while making bread. In other words, the day went on as usual.

But I let the words of encouragement that came publicly and in private messages comfort me.

That evening, I began reading the Chronicles of Narnia to Raine and Athena. After the boys are in bed, we usually spend about an hour reading. This has become our connecting point. It’s not the games or interactions generally used to build attachment. But it works for us. Even the most challenging day is forgotten as the girls and I lose ourselves in a story.

I put my daughter to bed and told her I loved her.

There have been some low points lately, but we’ve continued on.

I love sharing our story. I pray it inspires others to rise to challenge of whatever God’s calling them to do. Being honest about the journey is something that matters to me. I’ve read other blogs and books about adoption where the writer says things are hard. But what does that really look like? I want to include that in my telling. The hard makes the good so much more spectacular. Thanks for listening in a particularly hard time.

Yesterday, I couldn’t avoid taking Raine to the store with me. Athena chewed on the zipper of her coat until the small plastic teeth came out. We had to get her a new winter coat. All the children had to come along.

The cashier could feel my tension as I repeatedly insisted the girls keep their mittened hands on the cart. (They weren’t allowed to wear their coats inside the store but did have bulky mittens on. If not so unfortunate it would have been comical. Without a coat they had no where to hide things. And mittens make picking up small items more challenging). When she asked in a round about way what was going on, I told the grandmotherly looking woman about our dilemma.

“My girls have been stealing things,” I admitted.

“Would you like me to talk to them?” she asked.

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

The kindly woman, called the girls over. She pointed out the security cameras and told a tale of a little girl who got caught taking things. The child had to face the police. “You don’t want that to happen to you, do you?” she asked.

With alarm on their faces, Raine and Athena assured her they did not.

It’s information I’ve given them. But this time it seemed to reach past the defenses.

Admitting that I can’t do this entirely on my own is a relief.

I need others to speak into my children’s lives, building on the truth I’m working to instill. The cashier at Walmart made Raine really think about what she’s doing. She’s prone to ignoring or fighting against what I say. I’m working on changing that, but for now I appreciate a stranger taking the time to see us and come along side me in this journey.

I need the prayers that push back the darkness. I need others who know us to speak truth in the midst of the struggles. The truth is, we’ve come a long way and the story isn’t over yet. Thank you for that necessary reminder.

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2 thoughts on “Afterwards

  1. I am so glad you bared your soul. A baker as well, wow(lol)
    Words of encouragement is what you do need.
    The book reading sounds great, especially cozy in the cold weather. Most importantly, a great form of attachment.
    Your love for the boys and girls can not be denied.
    Low points are unfortunately a part of all our lives, we get through them.
    So glad you love sharing. People who care about you are there for you in good and bad.
    Taking the kids to the store is certainly a challenge.
    The mittens is a great idea, the reasoning is sad and once again brings one back to think of what they started life like.
    Saying they steal to someone had to be hard.
    It is great that woman spoke to them, people do care.
    I hope telling them reaches them. Not that they don”t listen to you.
    It does take a village to raise a family.
    If I can speak to them, if only in this format I will.
    You have my prayers.
    Kids, every night when your mom puts you to bed in her own special way, kiss her and tell her you love her.

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