This year the season changed early. In the middle of August, fall is upon us. The days are cool, the nights cold. And the light of summer is gone. Fall is my favourite season. With mixed emotions, I greet it at this unnatural time.
The more I reflect on adoption, the more it feels like this early fall – unnatural. Yes, it’s wonderful. Yes, it’s beneficial. Yes, it’s right in so many situations for so many reasons. But it’s still unnatural. There’s a set time for seasons to progress. Leaving the parents who birthed you for another set or single parent is not a natural progression.
Regardless of my capacity as a parent, there’s a loving/missing that continues. My children love me. I love them. Still they miss where they came from. That missing, based on memories or imagination, is real. As real as their love for me.
Some days the love overwhelms. Some days the missing overtakes. Lots of days it’s a mixture of the two. This is reality – perhaps more so for children who spent early years with birth family.
As our attachment deepens and we build on the span of years shared, the missing becomes less pervasive. The love becomes more certain. It’s takes shape, becoming less fleeting. We all rest assured that it’s there to stay – even when days are sometimes dark.
The truth is, days are sometimes dark. Cold bursts into what is supposed to be summer. Sadness overtakes what is supposed to be fun. This is reality. It’s natural in the face of loss. Don’t forget that as you journey along this unnatural path.
Remember that you are part of a grand plan of redemption. God knew the circumstances that would unfold. He planned and prepared a place for His child – the one that became yours. Thankfully our Saviour is acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). The triumphant King is described as a man of sorrows. This is who we celebrate – all of who Jesus is. As adoptive parents, we celebrate all of this reality. The sorrow. The joy. The love. The missing. It all comes together to create this living family unit. It’s the truth of who we are and where we’re at.