Loss

Yesterday at church Raine did not fare well. On our way to the JK/SK class, we

Raine excited to go to church

Raine excited to go to church

ran into her teacher from school. Although homeschooling is doing a world of good, taking Raine out of public school has caused her to suffer another round of loss. She misses her teacher and the other students. But she wasn’t able to function there.

With a fresh reminder of that loss, Raine refused to conform. In her class, she rolled around on the floor, unresponsive to the teacher. Our church’s preschool director is a former foster parent and retired school teacher. He’s quite patient with Raine. So I was surprised to find him marching her over to me before the service began.

I had a talk with my daughter about listening to her teachers. She committed to the idea. But half way through the pastor’s sermon, her number flashed up on the big screen.

In the hallway she waited for me. The preschool director’s daughter informed me, “I’m not sure why she’s out here.”

I took her upstairs to the bathroom – because I’d forgotten to have her go before we left the house not for the reason my mom used to take me back when spanking was acceptable. Turns out I was too late. Raine had already peed her pants. For some reason the dress she was wearing hid it well.

“Pastor Michelle is leaving,” she informed me.

Aware that our children’s pastor has resigned, I’d discussed the imminent change with Raine earlier that week.

“They wanted us to make pictures for her. But I’m not.”

With gusto, Raine had refused. She ran around the classroom and rolled on the floor. The last straw was when she locked herself in the bathroom and kept the water running for over 10mis. Despite being told to, she did not exit in a timely manner.

a museum visit Sunday afternoon

a museum visit Sunday afternoon

Some losses are necessary, inevitable, and even beneficial. But that doesn’t alleviate the pain. Raine doesn’t know the children’s pastor very well. Likely the loss is reminding her of many other losses. In six short years Raine has suffered a great deal.

So later when Tim Horton’s didn’t have any gluten free macaroons, I let her have a donut with the other kids. She bore the wheat pretty well (since January 1st she’s been completely off wheat, before that she only had it on rare occasions when out for Chinese). Our night wasn’t any worse than I was expecting given our off morning.

“Maybe Jesus has healed me and I can have wheat again,” Raine said when she made it through today without any meltdowns. Normally a bit of wheat will upset her for days.

With her doing well, we managed to get out today to get some stain for the deck. Raine picked out wildflower and watermelon seeds. She’s aware that I’m trying to blog daily and wanted everyone to know about her seeds. She’s very excited.

Her ability to recover is improving. For that I’m grateful.

Raine's 1st donut since June 2013.

Raine’s 1st donut since September 2013.

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