Category Archives: Christian

Beyond Distraction

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tumblr_ma7w0zlXKG1rbdwhvo1_500Our journey to California wasn’t fun. Worry settled on my friend and me before we even got to the airport. It shouldn’t have been there. We both knew that but couldn’t shake it. I worried about my kids. She worried about our training. Trying to talk ourselves out of it didn’t work. Half-heartedly proclaimed truth didn’t help.

Time dragged on and on. There were two flights that brought us, finally, to Sacramento. We’d prepaid for a car rental only to discover a glitch. That can’t be fixed until the rental company’s head office opens today. So we had to pay double the first amount to get a different car with a different rental company. Traveling on a tight budget this soured us further.

Exhausted we began a 2.5hr drive north. It was 11pm in Sacramento, 2am our time. My friend drove as long as she could, radio and air conditioning blaring. Then it was my turn. The directions the kindhearted guy at the rental company gave us were incorrect. We ended up in the middle of nowhere instead of the apartment we were staying at.

It was 2am when we finally arrived at our final destination – 5am our time. We’d

left our homes at noon the day before. 17hrs of travel without factoring in the time change. We greeted our host and collapsed in the beds she’d prepared for us.

Later that morning we got up – still tired, still discouraged, still wondering why we bothered to make this trek. We went to Sunday service at the church where we’ll be doing our prayer training this week.

My home church is amazing. There’s nowhere else I want to be. Every week I encounter God in a real way. The church out here carries the same DNA. I knew going in I’d meet with God. But I didn’t anticipate the depth of that encounter. At home, each kid is assigned a number. If there are any problems with them in children’s church, the number appears on the media screen. Being a mom, my eyes only close for a moment or two as I worship. It’s rare, but my kids’ numbers have shown up on the screen. I didn’t realize how much watching for the unlikely event of that number appearing distracts me during worship. Then, when service is done, I rush downstairs to pick up my kids. There’s no time for me to linger for prayer. My kids become distraught when they’re nearly last to be picked up from their class. There’s a lingering fear that I might just disappear from their life like some many other people have.

Yesterday, at church, there were no numbers to watch for and no children to be picked up. For the first time since becoming a mom 6yrs ago, I was able to fully focus on what God wanted to accomplish in me. There were no distractions, no assignments competing for my attention. I love my kids. I love being a mom. The Lord meets with me in the limitations of my God-given assignment. But there’s something so exhilarating in getting beyond distractions to encounter Him fully.

The Lord has presented Himself as a husband in my life. Becoming parents, our relationship has transformed. To be precise, my availability has transformed. There are legitimate demands on my time. God knows that. He doesn’t fault me for it. But now that He’s gotten me away from all of that, He was able to speak to me without distractions or interruptions.

For that conversation I had to fight through extreme fatigue, worry, frustration, and so many other emotions that came along with me on my journey or as a result of my journey. I’m so thankful that the Lord pushed past all of that in search of my heart.

When next we meet I’ll let you know what that God encounter looked like. Thanks for checking in for this leg of the journey.

Loss

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Yesterday at church Raine did not fare well. On our way to the JK/SK class, we

Raine excited to go to church

Raine excited to go to church

ran into her teacher from school. Although homeschooling is doing a world of good, taking Raine out of public school has caused her to suffer another round of loss. She misses her teacher and the other students. But she wasn’t able to function there.

With a fresh reminder of that loss, Raine refused to conform. In her class, she rolled around on the floor, unresponsive to the teacher. Our church’s preschool director is a former foster parent and retired school teacher. He’s quite patient with Raine. So I was surprised to find him marching her over to me before the service began.

I had a talk with my daughter about listening to her teachers. She committed to the idea. But half way through the pastor’s sermon, her number flashed up on the big screen.

In the hallway she waited for me. The preschool director’s daughter informed me, “I’m not sure why she’s out here.”

I took her upstairs to the bathroom – because I’d forgotten to have her go before we left the house not for the reason my mom used to take me back when spanking was acceptable. Turns out I was too late. Raine had already peed her pants. For some reason the dress she was wearing hid it well.

“Pastor Michelle is leaving,” she informed me.

Aware that our children’s pastor has resigned, I’d discussed the imminent change with Raine earlier that week.

“They wanted us to make pictures for her. But I’m not.”

With gusto, Raine had refused. She ran around the classroom and rolled on the floor. The last straw was when she locked herself in the bathroom and kept the water running for over 10mis. Despite being told to, she did not exit in a timely manner.

a museum visit Sunday afternoon

a museum visit Sunday afternoon

Some losses are necessary, inevitable, and even beneficial. But that doesn’t alleviate the pain. Raine doesn’t know the children’s pastor very well. Likely the loss is reminding her of many other losses. In six short years Raine has suffered a great deal.

So later when Tim Horton’s didn’t have any gluten free macaroons, I let her have a donut with the other kids. She bore the wheat pretty well (since January 1st she’s been completely off wheat, before that she only had it on rare occasions when out for Chinese). Our night wasn’t any worse than I was expecting given our off morning.

“Maybe Jesus has healed me and I can have wheat again,” Raine said when she made it through today without any meltdowns. Normally a bit of wheat will upset her for days.

With her doing well, we managed to get out today to get some stain for the deck. Raine picked out wildflower and watermelon seeds. She’s aware that I’m trying to blog daily and wanted everyone to know about her seeds. She’s very excited.

Her ability to recover is improving. For that I’m grateful.

Raine's 1st donut since June 2013.

Raine’s 1st donut since September 2013.

With This Ring…

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A long time ago when marriage loomed on the horizon, I decided on an Picture1engagement ring. Always going against the grain, I wanted pearls instead of diamonds. Never have I been overly idealistic. I didn’t expect a fairy tale. That’s why I wanted a black pearl and a white pearl because the man marrying me would need to commit to be there for the good and the bad.

At one point I thought I’d found that man. Being an artist, he even drew up some sketches of my desired ring. In the end that all came to nothing. It’s been slow, but my heart has recovered.

During that process, life morphed into something entirely different than I expected. There’s been some good and some bad. Promising to be my husband, the Lord is sticking with me through it all.

For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
Isaiah 54:5

A man may come along prepared to make that commitment. In the meantime, I asked a dear friend, Sue, to craft a ring for me.

With this ring on my right hand I’m reminded that I’m not alone. With this ring I remember I am loved and chosen. With this ring I continue living fearlessly.

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Happy Easter

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But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

Romans 8:11 (NKJV)

The same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in my family. His power may appear, to the natural eye, somewhat less dramatic than Christ’s resurrection. But in the case of my girls, He’s brought them from death to life in a marked way. In truth, every one of us requires His resurrection. Our own hearts are dead with sin until He gains access. Thankfully, I encountered Jesus early on. The same is true of my daughters. Holy Spirit is at work in their hearts.

Raine quickly took hold of her sister when I was snapping pictures and said, WP_001125“Hug!” That is a small miracle. For a long time she’s resented Athena. But Raine’s heart is turning towards her sister as the Lord brings life to the deepest part of her.

Today my parents are taking the girls for their first sleepover. It’s been a slow process for Athena to connect to her adopted grandparents. Two weeks ago, she suddenly announced, “We should go to Grandma & Grandpa’s to sleep!” I contacted my mom and we set up a plan. When Athena realized I wasn’t going, she burst into tears. But when the time came today she couldn’t contain her excitement. With incredible joy she climbed into my dad’s truck. My mom’s promised to bring Athena home if at any point she becomes upset. I don’t think that’ll be necessary. With some time to get used to the idea, Athena is happy to go. It’s a small miracle. Where fear once resided, the Spirit is bringing confidence and courage.

I am grateful to have the Spirit who raised Christ at work in my life. I am grateful for a Saviour who brings me alive to Himself.

It stands to reason, doesn’t it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he’ll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself?

Romans 8:11 (The Message)

Perseverance

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Daily, I choose what values are imparted to my children. Sometimes I’m intentional. When they catch me exercising – which is rare – I’m quick to say, “I want to stay healthy and keep my body strong.” Never do I hint at the fact that I need to lose weight. I want them to be comfortable with their appearance. Most of the time I am as well which is why the exercising doesn’t happen nearly enough.

I'm still committed to spring. Wearing rain boots.

I’m still committed to spring. Wearing rain boots.

There are other values I may not have been so intentional about. This week Raine’s perseverance surprised me. After a warm couple of days, snow hit us once more. We woke up to a winter wonderland again. Tuesdays are always hectic and it’s garbage day as well. Raine’s been a big help in getting the bins out. Without mitts (since I’d packed them all away), she wasn’t happy to do her job.

I opened the garage for her and got back to packing lunches. Raine returned to tell me her hands were too cold. I advised she abandon the mission then carried on getting Athena ready for school.

When we piled into the car, I discovered all the bins were out and carefully lined up along the curb. There was the regular trash, compost, paper recycling, and plastic recycling. Despite the cold, Raine had persevered.

This, by far, may be the most important value I can impart.

Praying for my girls…..

May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.

2 Thessalonians 3:5

 

Raine out for breakfast on her 6th birthday

Raine out for breakfast on her 6th birthday